DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME;

'Deep Throat' porn star LINDA LOVELACE

we rolled into Alexandria on that monday, passing by washington d.c. and all
that stuff. everyone checked into their rooms and since it was a day off we
all got to relax. a little while later everyone one cept the singer and i went
to see d.c. i was dead tired and sat and watched some CNN before taking a hot
bath and a very long nap.

on the tube was bush who actually said that the world was a safer place since
he became president. he said it with a straight face but the real surprise was
that none of the journalist said anything. although any poll you take in any
country (including his own) will say the opposite, the media who were present
swallowed this incorrect statement in a way that would have impressed even
linda lovelace. welcome to washington, i figured. i guess it doesn't matter if
it's monica or the whitehouse press corp: a blow job is a blow job.

the rest of the gang returned around halftime of the Raider/ Chief's MNF game.
Typically, the Raiders were being killed with penalties. There are real
problems in Raider Nation. So we all started drinking beers and stuff and wine
and then Dave Chapple, aka Mc Guyver, 'jimmy rigged' the tv in Paula's room and
soon we were listening to some funny songs. see, we have this friend who used
to work for Virgin records and his job was to listen to all demos and pass on
the material that was 'strong.' well, our friend, George, have SAVED the ones
that were just unbelievably bad. one in particular was by a guy named 'Brian'
who couldn't hit a note if the note was water and he was falling out a boat.

but his tunes were so funny...and not meant to be either! so we all were
drinking and then the true entertainment happened when i popped in a CD i had
of Tenacious D live at largo in 1999. if any of you have ever heard these
guys, well, you'd know what i mean. so we all just chilled and listened to
music for the longest time. but Paula was rooming with Ana and Ana was tired
and so the party got moved to me and Chapple's room. but then something funny
happened. somebody was whistling. from across the balcony. on the same
floor. wearing a easter bunny colored nighty. standing in the door.
whistling. mike f took a look and then someone (i cannie remember whom) made
the bold statement: IT'S HOOKER!

she was out there trying to earn a buck. capitalism in action courtesy of the
world's oldest profession. we went back in a listen to some more tunes. after
awhile it was near 3am. everyone was gone except one, who'd fell asleep on my
bed. but just as i was about to kick her out Paula popped up and jetted over
to her room. it had been a long day but, before i had taken my nap, i took a
walk around and, this being my 3rd time in Virginia, am always impressed by the
manners people in Virginia have.

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Mike Randle
mike@lovewitharthurlee.com

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